


Shitty Knight's Palentine's Day Spectacular

by softfloralbro



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, Karaoke, Valentine's Day, ambiguously platonic shitty&lardo, platonic subversion of the romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22766503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softfloralbro/pseuds/softfloralbro
Summary: Every year, Shitty Knight takes it upon himself to fuck with the cultural institutions of Romance by hosting a Palentine's Day Party for his friends to celebrate their platonic love.takes place February of Year 2
Relationships: Larissa "Lardo" Duan & Shitty Knight
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Shitty Knight's Palentine's Day Spectacular

"Quinn! Jes! Tara! So glad y’all could make it to the Palentine’s Party!" Shitty shouts, welcoming his gender studies friends into the Haus.

"Of course Shits! We’re always down to drink and fuck with heternormative ideals of love. Although, I gotta wonder - what are the politics of you, a cisgender man, degendering Galentine’s Day?"

Before Shitty can even respond, Quinn jumps in with “Tara, is degendering Galentine's Day the central rhetorical thing that’s happening here _or_ are we deromanticizing-slash-platonicizing Valentine’s Day in a non-gendered way?”

“Excellent point, my dude. Holster, back me up on this one, in canon, Galentine’s is a very heteronormative affair, yes?”

“Galentine’s Day is first celebrated in episode 16 of the second season of Parks and Recreation, wherein Leslie Knope describes it as the best day of the year, where every February 13th she and her lady friends leave their husbands and boyfriends at home and come and kick it breakfast style. So yeah, I’d say that’s pretty heteronormative.”

“Yeah, I think if it were ‘gal-pal’entines day, I think that would be a different story," Jes adds. "Because gal pals, as understood vis a vis ‘just gals being pals’ memes, are inherently a lesbian/queer woman phenomenon.”

God, Shitty loves these people. “It would be! But it isn’t! At its heart, Galentine's Day is a play on the romantic emphasis our culture places on love, and attempt to counter that, albeit still in a normative framework of gender and sexuality. So I would argue that even though I am cis, I’m still politically fucking with the institution and celebration of Valentine's Day. 

Quinn slaps him on the back. “Cheers, I’ll drink to that, bro. Now direct me to the cups so I can get the liquor flowing.” 

Glasses and cans and bottles of various alcoholic beverages are distributed, and the night begins with Shitty toasting his best pal, Jack Zimmermann. 

After Jack's dry wit, ass, and reliability as a friend are deemed sufficiently praised, Shitty opens the floor to people to toast their pals - people they love but aren't with romantically, an excuse to tell your bro how much they mean to you. 

Chowder toasts Bitty. "Bitty, you're one of the strongest and kindest people I know. I know lots of strong people, and I know lots of kind people, but I don't think I know anyone who is anywhere near as strong _and_ kind as you are." 

"Sugar, you are just too sweet. I'm gonna make you a pie just for that," Bitty promises from behind tears.

Jack toasts Chowder. "Chris, you're already the emotional center of this team, and you don't ever seem to take that as a burden. You just take it in stride and buoy every single player on this team up. You make us better players, a better team, and better people."

Everyone seconds and scrambles to add on over each other, and everyone is crying by the time Nursey takes the mic.

"Poindexter, as your d-man and better half, I feel obligated to toast to your consistency, both in caring about us and grouching about it after."

Behind a blush that can't yet be plausibly blamed on the alcohol, Dex toasts back, saying, "Nurse, as _your_ d-man and better half I feel obligated to toast to your not being as annoying as I originally thought you were."

Ransom toasts "To Jack - for being the greatest friend, captain, and anxiety mentor that a coral reef like me could ask for."

"Ransom, my best bro," Holster starts, "Actually wait, hold on, I have something for this." He gets up and runs over to the makeshift karaoke station, grateful to Shitty for setting it up before people arrived. 

(Shitty had, of course, not done this on virtue of forethought. It happened after Bitty kicked him out of his kitchen for hovering and asking annoying questions. "Bits, did you buy that just for this, or did you just... already own a heart-shaped muffin tin?" Bitty looked at him, deeply unimpressed. "Do you wanna know or do you want a muffin?" "I'll take the muffin! I just thought both were equally probably!" "Take your muffin and shoo, Mr. Knight. Go make yourself useful elsewhere.")

The music starts, and Holster begins bouncing his shoulders with the beat. "Ooooooh you're making me live. Whatever this world can give to me, it's you, you're all I see. Oooooh, you're my best friend."

Jes leans over to Quinn and whispers, "is it just me, or is this one of the more homoerotic things you've ever seen at the hockey frat?"

"No, this is definitely up there. It might not be strictly in the Palentine's platonic spirit, but it is making Freddie Mercury proud, so..." they trail off with a shrug.

After the song ends and Ransom throws his arms around Holster, Shitty announces that it is officially time for serenades. "Platonically appropriating romantic love songs is encouraged, as is singing songs written about friendship. Any way you want it, that's the way you need it, babes."

Lardo takes mic. "In that case, I'm serenading myself this Palentines. Pull up Lizzo's _I'm My Own Soulmate._ "

Bitty sings Beyonce, to no one's surprise.

Dex, to everyone's surprise, sings Chowder _Here Comes the Sun_. Chowder cries again.

After Shitty and Holster finish their appropriately-over-the-top duet of _Total Eclipse of the Heart_ , it's wordlessly agreed upon that nothing could (or should) follow that, and people start to head home.

Shitty gives out hugs and Palentine's giftbags full of candy, cardstock valentines, and safer sex supplies to people as they leave. 

The team sticks around to make sure everything's all cleaned up, but eventually the trickle away as well. After everyone has either left or gone upstairs to bed, Lardo and Shitty find themselves on the couch together, with Shitty laying his head on Lardo's chest as she idly plays with his hair.

"Hey Lardo? I'm glad we're pals."

"Me too, Shits. You're more than just a pal to me though, you know that right?"

"Well, I don't really believe in 'more than' or 'just', but. Yeah. You too. You're not like Ransom and Holster or even Jack to me. You make me feel...Warm. Safe, and warm, and held. Even when I'm not literally in your arms, it's. I feel like I can be vulnerable with you. Be soft and quiet. I can take off the boisterous and trust you with what's underneath."

"Same. I feel lighter when I'm with you. Both when you're ridiculous and making me laugh and when you're soft. I love that you trust me with that. Holding that kind of trust from someone should feel heavy, but it doesn't. It melts me, and makes me want to be soft with you."

Shitty turns around in her arms to look her in the eyes. "Lardo, will you be my palentine?"

Lardo grins from ear to ear. "Only if you'll be mine, Knight."


End file.
